Following God's plan for our lives can be easy in theory but much more difficult in practice. I've told God multiple times, "Lord, here I am. Send me!" and I meant it 100%. In those moments, if God had told me to go to Zimbabwe or Iceland, or anywhere else on this planet, I would have gone, no strings attached. But now, in the moment when the rubber actually hits the road and I feel like I'm having to let go of things that are precious to me to cling to God's purpose for my life, overseas missions, my faith is quickly draining away and I'm finding myself questioning God's perfect plan for my life. I want to go overseas to do missions when I want, not when God wants me to, but if I do that, I'm not submitting to God like I ought to. Another thing is that I don't want to have to plan my life around becoming a missionary someday. I would like some "freedom" to choose what I want, (which sounds really self-centered when I think about it) but I feel like I have to plan that way since the choices I make today will have a lasting affect on the rest of my life. The hardest part is that there wasn't one special moment in my life when God told me, "Go into missions," but throughout the years God has made it somewhat clear in subtle ways. I just don't want to go off the deep end, convinced that God's going to send me far across the world to do missions and then find out later that he wants me to stay in the US and be a missionary to friends and colleagues here. Hmm, what do I do?
For anyone who has felt God's call to be a missionary early in life, how did you know that was God's will for your life? Once you were certain that God wanted you to be a missionary, how did that impact the choices you made? What struggles did you have and how did you overcome them? I would really appreciate hearing your stories and any advice you have.
You're welcome to comment here or if you would prefer to contact me privately, my email is hazzelelponi54 at rocketmail dot com. Thank you so much!
God bless,
Jess
Jess,
ReplyDeleteI totally understand. While God hasn't called me to be a missionary, He has called me to a specific line of ministry for the rest of my life. For me, there was definitely a moment when that started, when I heard the clear call, and have followed that since, inspired by His subtle movements and confirmations along the way. In my experience, things can become cloudy the longer time has passed. Memories, for example. And feelings. There are times when I've wondered "Was that really the voice of God?" or "Were those really signs from God, or just my imagination?" The best thing to do is pray. In such a large decision like whether He's actually called you to be a missionary or not, you definitely need to take a dedicated amount of time to pray and maybe even fast. Ask some close friends and family to join you, to keep you in their prayers as you seek guidance, to give you clarity on what God's will is.
And like you said, human desires can get in the way. What we want - as compared to what God wants - can be easier. Just not as fulfilling. It's a hard step at first, but it's more satisfying in the end than if you'd gone with human emotions and not the rock which God has given you.
I would trust what you have believed for years, what you have believed to be God's voice for years. I would continue down that path, taking God's guidance. And if it true that He's called you to be a missionary here, He'll make that clear. If you go to another country and you realize the US is where He's called you, He can still use you in that country for that time.
I hope that helped in some way. Don't jump off the bandwagon before you know for sure whether it is God's will or not.
I'll be praying for you because I know how big of a decision something like this is!
For His glory,
Caitlin