For the past month or so, I've been struggling to feel God's presence, just to know that he's beside me, fighting for me. I craved his presence so badly, but he seemed distant for a very long time.
David's words in the Psalms sum up how I felt:
My God, my God, why have you abandoned me? Why are you so far away when I groan for help? Every day I call to you, my God, but you do not answer. Every night you hear my voice, but I find no relief. -Psalm 22:1-2
Like David, I called but couldn't hear an answer.
My life is poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint. My heart is like wax, melting within me. My strength has dried up like sunbaked clay. My tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth. You have laid me in the dust and left me for dead. -Psalm 22:14-15
Tuesday night I spent time delving into the Bible and seeking Christ passionately. My devotions for the night focused on Psalm 57:7-8 and it was all about David, who made a decision to awaken from the darkness surrounding him in a very dark moment. He cried out to God, declared God's refuge, love and faithfulness, and reminded himself that God's ways are above our ways.
The words on the page lit up the darkness creeping into my heart, and I literally felt as if I'd just come out of an intense, long-lasting battle. I didn't have to fear as long as Christ is with me, living in my heart as I know he is. My response in a spiritual winter or darkness should be to remain steadfast, worship, pray, and awaken the dawn with my words. On top of that, I should shine God's light for others to see and awaken my soul to sing.
I've prayed fervently, continued reading the Bible and kept on praising and worshiping him no matter what my mind tells me. On Wednesday morning we had a Praise and Worship chapel so we spent the entire time singing and praying. I was so blessed and encouraged as God's living words washed over me like a mighty ocean wave. God loves me. He sees me. He rescued me from a horrible past. In this moment he loves me still. I have a personal relationship with him. Pursuing Christ is the choice I have made and I will not let go. My heart will trust in my God and I will stand firm in the truth.
My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast; I will sing and make music. Awake, my soul! Awake, harp and lyre! I will awaken the dawn. -Psalm 57:7-8
Are you in a spiritual winter? Do you feel like you're fighting a battle against spiritual forces and you don't have anyone to back you up? Choose to awaken the dawn and sing of God's love and faithfulness. He is always there and he will fight for you!
'Do not be afraid of the nations there, for the LORD your God will fight for you.' -Deuteronomy 3:22